Letter to the editor

Palace Hotel
San Francisco
Saturday, March 29

Dear Madam,

As you may have noticed, a certain tavern keeper in New Toulouse has been on a campaign of attacking my good name. This is no doubt due to our recent rivalry concerning the sale of certain medicinal substances, and I view with distaste this woman’s attempt to monopolize the industry. A free market is good for consumers, and I hope they will take advantage of my well-priced and distinctly higher-quality merchandise when I return from my buying expedition.

Also, I have never even made a meat pie.

Yours in commerce,

Mrs. Ethel Varnish