Letter to the editor

From the Office of the Mayor
Sunday, March 23

Dear Sir,

You call yourself a newspaperman?

You spend your time publishing inane stories about glowing mushrooms and subterranean murders, and ridiculous tales of nonexistent krakens, and then you fail to cover actual newsworthy stuff?

What’s wrong, cat got your tongue?

Today the most interesting thing in weeks happened, and nothing, not even so much as a mention from you. This is par for the course for your rag—entire buildings have vanished from our fairest of cities without you even rising from your opium couch.

Could this journalistic negligence possibly have something to do with me repossessing and demolishing that vermin-infested brick pile that housed your presses?

THIS IS NEWS: Today, at the Elysium, there was a “hot tub” party. Huge pools of water at immodest temperatures, filled with loose citizenry cavorting about in flagrant disregard for the no-nudity laws. Not one permit was present. No permit applications were filed. Not even a single nudity permit inspection was requested.

This is utter lawlessness, pure and simple. And your pro-corruption rag turns a blind eye to these proceedings without so much as a single photograph? Impossible. Our public demands the truth. With photos.

—Henri