Letter to the editor

Has the world gone mad? Or just that fishwrapper you call a newspaper?

As I sit at my table drinking my coffee, I put down the important matters of the day and pick up your paper to see if there is any important news.

Is there any news from Washington? Congress is in session, they could enact a tariff that would wreck our sugar farmers. No mention.

Is there any news from Europe? They’re fighting over there, and the maps are being revised daily. But nothing.

Mexico is a tinderbox, our neighbors are suffering in the throes of revolution. Not a word of that.

A religious fervor is gripping the nation. Religious folk like Billy Sunday are telling us to get into the war. Any mention of that in the Tattler? Nothing.

Nothing. Nothing worth reading, and what is there is badly edited.

Huge amounts of space that could have been dedicated to farm prices and ship landings and world events devoted to someone’s complaint about a model for a Lake Cow ad?

An advertisement depicting green Tabasco for a party thrown in 2015? Okay, perhaps I understand that one, the proprietress does run an opium den; perhaps her addled self has confused our new Twentieth Century with the year 2015. Or maybe the problem is not the smoke from the Opium Den, but from the Editor’s desk. But green Tabasco? Who would believe such madness?

I remain (disappointed),

The Mayor

Keeping to our policy for letters, we have only lightly edited the above for ease of reading. —Ed.