Classifieds

On By Nikita Weymann

FOR SALE

Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children. NT-747

WANTED

Wanted, one pair of leaky boots, for practical joke on Boudreaux. —T

WANTED: Identity of person or persons using the Blackmail Box in front of the Tarantula Arms to send this reporter an anonymous warning to keep away from the tunnels and to quit asking questions about the tunnel man. As a member of the Recognized Establishment Media (REM: We don’t sleep so you can), Trolley Trollop ain’t gonna be scared off by anonymous threats and she’ll pay extra for information leading to the identity of a Miss Frannie Alva mentioned in the message slipped under Trolley’s door. (P.S. Trolley ain’t got money to pay her informants, but she’s got some of Sister Cousin’s chocolate truffles and her own secret recipe for the best biscuit you ever done put in your mouth.)

Wanted: Dog that will eat children. —FA

LOST & FOUND

Who took my spider? Only the web is left! —Swamp Ghost

HELP WANTED

The New Toulouse Tattler seeks reporters, photographers, and columnists. Interested parties please contact Nikita Weymann.

PERSONALS

V, I only have eyes for you. No lungs this week, sorry. —J

Send your classified ad to the Tattler, in care of Nikita Weymann.