Classifieds

On By Nikita Weymann

FOR SALE

Human skull, used once only. L$250 OBO NT-182

HORSE for sale, low miles, good condition, speaks Spanish L$700 NT-375

WANTED

Will anyone be kind enough to send Mrs. Varnish, of the Tarantula Arms, a large mess of turnip greens for the Gumbo Society soup kitchen?

Brains! Braaaains! Braaaaaaaaaaains!

HELP WANTED

We’re paying top doller for prufereading skiils. Enkwire at the Law Awfice.

Wanted: man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. NT-664

The New Toulouse Tattler seeks reporters, photographers, and columnists. Articles will be published at www.newtoulouse.org. Interested parties please contact Nikita Weymann.

PERSONALS

I saw you at Dafthouse. You grabbed my rear and I told you if you did that again I’d kill you. You did. I need your address now. NT-444

I picked up 500 extra pounds of dog food when I went to town. Come by and trade some for booze. —Buford

Will the person who got hit in the head with a tomato in the 1880s please telephone NT-396

PUBLIC NOTICES

DON’T SHOOT DUCKS until November. Dove okay. Don’t shoot the Passenger Pigeons, Whooping Cranes, or Ivory-Billed Woodpeckers, either, it’s important. (Wash. Biol. Surv.)

I’m not even slightly dead. Beneficiaries are encouraged to return the insurance money. And my boat. —SC

Send your classified ad to the Tattler, in care of Nikita Weymann.