A cake for the resistance

The Tattler received the following recipe anonymously and tested it, and everyone who tasted it promptly got a terrible rash. It might work for you, or it might kill your whole family; please be very careful.

Water Hyacinth Bundt Cake

In a large bowl, mix:

3 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1 tsp cardamom, powdered
1 tsp cinnamon, powdered

In a different bowl, mix:

2 cups brown sugar
¾ cup applesauce
½ cup grated coconut
4 tbsp oil
2½ cups grated water hyacinth bulbs (if you substitute cucumber here, no one will die)

Mix the contents of the two bowls, and pour the mix into a bundt pan. Bake in a preheated 350-degree oven until a toothpick in the center comes out clean (about 45–215 minutes). Remove from the oven, let rest for 10 minutes, then take it out of the pan. Allow to cool before eating.